Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
