i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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