am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
