I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
