if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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