We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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