I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
