We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
