i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Actions speak louder than pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
