What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
