Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
