mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
