It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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