I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
