I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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