shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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