My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
