TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
