she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
