it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
