i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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