I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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