I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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