Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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