Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
