So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
