Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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