thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
