1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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