so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
honey bunches of taint.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
