omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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