I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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