my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
