everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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