that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
