after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
