a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
