I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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