what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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