Can i not drive my cunt home
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
