I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
