Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
vagina is talking i cant
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
