Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
