You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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