we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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