I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
