i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
