is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
