bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
