i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
