I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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