Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
