im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
