I'm passing your future prison.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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