When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
