i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is wine microwaveable?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
