I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
