And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
