Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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