Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I touched a dick in church today
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