woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
