Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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