What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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