Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just gift wrapped bread.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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