If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
