How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
