i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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