Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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