if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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