ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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