honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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