So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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