DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
