why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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