Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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